The weird and dumb, or, sliced worst on wry.
This edition: Teens and tobacco... Amazing tobacco revelations and the Clinton Reddish Knob... Mommy can't change the baby, she's too busy playing with her Barbies... Just wild about Harry... Let the dead rest, OK? ... Wir sind nicht Nazi! ... Clinton's moral leadership... More Wisconsin government lunacy...
General Foolishness
No, Really, I am 18. I Was Born in, Ummm, 1983? Right? Oh, 1981 Then. Thanks! I'll Take the Marlboro Reds, Hard Pack.
Laws governing sale of tobacco to kids under the age of 18 are not being strictly enforced. Well duhhhhhhh. There is a reason the song "Smoking in the Boys' Room" continues to be known, sung, covered and successful.
What an Astounding Revelation!
In a shattering account of astonishing -- and unexpected, by this publisher -- fact, Philip Morris has "admitted" that tobacco can actually be harmful.

This publisher believes that the US Government -- or should I say the UN -- is pressuring a strong, capitalistic force like PM by some kind of arcane threat, probably to assert its superiority as a socialist power.

Now as a red-blooded American I find this intolerable. This nation was founded on tobacco -- it's what made America rich enough to overthrow the tyrrany of those awful English types, after all.

Well, that and the labor of untold numbers of African slaves.

Smoking's not dangerous, and I'm living proof of it -- I've been smoking all my life and still have nearly full use of one lung.

The fact that Bill Clinton commented on the PM revelation is not half so interesting as the fact that he did it from a place in Virginia named Reddish Knob Overlook.

You Must be F---ing Kidding
Whose Fault is it, Anyway?
I don't know where to begin with this one.

The father of a 12-year-old girl, impregnated by a local 15-and-horny hormone factory, would like to see the boy prosecuted for knocking up his daughter, who is not very bright -- now there is a surprise if ever I heard one -- yet supports a religious edict which is going to result in this preteen girl carrying the pregnancy to term.

Evidently non-bright-ness is hereditary.

So who do we really blame here? Church? A horny boy? A dim girl? Or a cretinous set of parents?

Maybe it's proof that the minions of Lucifer are loose on Earth, the Tribulation predicted by St. John in his Revelation, the one that presages the return of Christ, who shall ride triumphant out of the ringing heavens on a golden chariot of fire, swinging the sword of righteousness to call to judgment all who are found wanting in the eyes of the most holy lord God.

Naw, I think it's the dumb parent one.

South Carolina Parents: Youth Should be Harry-less!
Those of you who were caught in the anti-Dungeons and Dragons backlash of the late 70s to early 80s, or the more recent anti-Magic (and other CCG) backlash, will find a shade of the familiar in this one: Some dim, but typically loud and hysterical adults, are worried that children are getting too interested in JK Rowling's Harry Potter books.

Complaints include allegations that the books contain too much hate, death, darkness and evil.

Presumably, those protesting the interest in Potter would prefer to see children reading books which lack any of these things, such as the Bible, which also does not contain references to genocide, rape, infanticide, extramarital sex, bestiality, deicide, cannibalism or incest.

Slow-Motion Replays Too Sick Even For Fox... So Far...
Segments of the security video of the Littleton, Colorado killings have made the airwaves.

This is way beyond morbid; it is getting perverse.

Wonder if we'll get a similar release from the Ramsey investigation as well... The show could be called "When Families Attack".

The Name's Different, That's Why
The Social Democratic Party of Austria, which recently did well in elections there, really isn't neo-Nazi.

Proof includes the fact that it's called the Social Democratic Party, not the National Socialist Party. Also, they don't goose-step quite as high when they march.

Hi, Tech!
Who's Making These Decisions, Anyway?
Bill Clinton spoke on technology and morality, since he is clearly eminently qualified to comment on both, as he has managed to expertly avoid them for some time -- to such a degree one can only conclude he's secretly studied them for years.
Goin' Down in Cow-Town
Wisconsin State Government is Still a Bunch of Idiots
Traveling close on the heels of the news that, rather than restrict highway construction zones to places where actual roadwork is happening, the Wisconsin DOT would rather widen the highway system at the cost of hundreds of millions of dollars, we have the news that the Wisconsin State Lottery is falling on hard times.

The brilliant state legislators have come up with a characteristically brilliant idea -- use tax revenues to pay the balance due!

Of course the fact that the state lotto was introduced, ostensibly, to reduce taxes, to supplant them in fact, is not a consideration here.

Nor should we note that competition, in the form of the multistate PowerBall, has certainly been responsible for taking a lot of business away from the local state pot.

Or that local Indian gambling businesses, all six point seven trillion of them, may be a factor too.

And of course no one's thought yet that, when a venture is failing to make you money, in a capitalistic society the best thing to do is probably pull the plug entirely, pay off the remaining winners, and simply never do such a foolish thing again.

Bear in mind this is the same state which, when faced with a budget underrun for FY 99, seriously contemplates "switching off" state sales tax during the December holiday season, blithely ignoring the facts that

1. Consumers will then wait till the last minute to buy gifts, harming amortizable income to small businesses which use a lot of budgetary Hamburger Helper to make it through the lean months already; and

2. State public schools could seriously make use of a budget windfall.

It is woefully obvious that this state has too much money in its coffers right now, and, like a moron who receives an unexpected bonus in his paycheck one week, doesn't know what particular piece of useless crap to spend it on. Should it be the solid gold rumaki service set for 18 guests, or the all-iin-one buffalo slicer, dicer, hamburger mill and espresso machine? What? Save it for a rainy day? Never!

Got to love that four-time Governor of ours. Now about that grassroots initiative in regards to term limits...