The weird and dumb, or, sliced worst on wry.
This edition: East Timor jumps on the mass grave party wagon... Stock market surprise? NOT... US helping Pakistan help the CIA... Not so gay in America... Jesse, go home... FIBs, go home... The new Navy... Boomercrites... Windows 2000 is good, if you're Bill... Kasparov vs. Bill... Spam is bad for you... Sex and viruses... Why Pat Robertson's brain works the way it doesn't... Self-extincting humanity... Why'd you want to eat one of those things, anyway? Don't you know what they are? ... How many visitors will be heartbroken because of this? ... 
General Foolishness
It Seems to go With The Territory...
Sure enough, mass graves have been uncovered in East Timor.

Where're the darn nukes?

Nyaah, Nyaah, Told You So!
The stock market all but dug a hole for itself last week.

About six months ago, this publisher commented that a "correction" was inevitable, especially in the ludicriously overvalued Net and tech stocks, because of the insane amount of speculative capital being poured into the market, and because every cretinous spongehead in the entire country was using it to fund their retirements.

So there are now some very broke day traders, some miserable GenXers, and some embarrassed boomers who by golly should have known better than to dump their net worth into something as historically shaky as stocks.

Wonder if some tight-sphinctered white upper-middle-class SUV-driving boomer twit will sue?

What a stupid question. It's not if, it's "when" and "which one"?

Because We Hate Foreign Competition
The US will continue helping Pakistan curb illegal drug trading.

Apparently various criminals in the Pakistani citizenry are using sneaky methods to create, sell and transport illegal substances, rather than use the high-tech modern kitchens, low-flying stealth aircraft and ready offshore shipping the CIA supplies, in exchange for "a piece of the action".

Speaking of Which...
It's not this story about pot busts that caught this publisher's attention; it's the headline, to which one may only respond, "Well, duuuuuuuuuuh."
Probably Because of All the Fundamentalists in this Country
Non-heterosexual Americans are at a higher risk of suicide than their heterosexual counterparts, not that this is news to any but the uninformed and thoughtless ignorami who insist that, even though Jesus Christ never once mentioned it, if there is a God such as the one they worship, that God endorses only male-female sex, and then only within the confines of marriage.

Of course the Catholics aren't helping -- nor the Mormons -- by pumping money into certain ballot initiatives, despite the clear Constitutional separation of church and state that exists in this nation.

Against same-sex relationships? Don't have one.

Hey, You Voted For Him
Minnesotans' attempts to recall Jesse Ventura have been squelched.

There's some whining going on next door that Jesse's driving business to Wisconsin. I guess bucolia looks pretty good now, huh?

FYI, here's (some of) the article that started it all.

You Must be F---ing Kidding
This is Why We Hate People from Illinois
The mayor of a small Illinois town beat a child's beagle puppy to death with a shovel and is going to resign.

No, wait, he's not resigning after all.

It's Not Just a Job...
Top gun material these sailors are not; they went on a cow-killing rampage in Nevada.

High quality folks we have defending our national borders, eh? I guess they're upset because they didn't get to go to Puerto Rico, but that may not be the hot spot it is much longer, either.

Save the Earth... From Us
Hypocritical boomers are driving unnecessary gas-sucking vehicles in record numbers. Who cares? They'll be dead in another 30 years anyway, and won't have to worry about the mess they're leaving behind for the rest of us.
Hi, Tech!
How Much?
Microsoft actually admits that upgrading current computers to Windows 2000 will be expensive. How expensive?

Try $1000 to $3000.

Per computer.

Check, Mate
The famous (to some) Kasparov-vs-the-world chess match, according to some, was blown by none other than Bill's Brainchild itself.

While that's always possible, one has to wonder why they'd do it, always assuming total incompetence isn't a possible reason, but hey, this is, after all, Microsoft we're talking about.

Not Including the Automatic Updater We Send, of Course
Not surprisingly, everyone hates spam. The question is what to do about it.

This publisher has always been in favor of locating the source of the email and sending a 50 gigavolt surge down the line to it, preferably while its owner was in close physical contact with its mouse or keyboard.

At Last, a Virus We Can Get Behind
The "check this" virus includes emailed links to porn sites and, when loaded, hits your address book and mails itself to everyone it finds there. So maybe your mom's not really surfing www.farmanimals.com after all.
Now We Know What Republicans Are Missing
New research into the prefrontal cortex is yielding information about what causes antisocial behavior, apart from being a fundamentalist Christian, that is.
Huh
You First!
VHEMT, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, is interested in cleaning up Earth by removing all humans from it.

I'll wait a while and see how it goes.

Hey, wait... this may explain why all those boomers are driving those gas hogs.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Must Be More Iraqui Weapons
Lobsters are dying in record numbers, and not in restaurants, either.
Who Makes a Monument out of a Plant, Anyway?
America's losing its roots, sort of. The last "liberty tree", where colonists (some of them) plotted revolution (one of many plots), might get cut down.

This publisher suggests, in order to ease the nation's wounded soul, that George Washington's axe be used to do the deed. It would be most poetic.

And think of the money that could be made off the toothpick market alone.