I came back mostly because of the lat­est hor­ror being per­pe­trated on the US by McDonald’s, in the form of a Happy Meal that includes, as its free “prize”, Hummers.

No, no, no, it’s not that kind of Happy Meal. I’m talk­ing about the SUV here, not the felony. Little toy Hummers in McDonald’s Happy Meals.

Oh goody.

The prob­lem that I have is pretty straight­for­ward. It’s not enough, I guess, that McDonald’s is help­ing adult Americans become mas­sive coronary-​​bound fatasses. And I guess it’s not enough that Ronald McFuckwit is actively poi­son­ing the bod­ies and minds of the up-​​and-​​coming future gen­er­a­tion of Lardass McOffspring.

The real prob­lem, to me, is that evi­dently it was deemed desir­able in the eyes of McMarketing for Children McPudgemonsters to learn that over­con­sump­tion of resources doesn’t need to stop with the piles of fat-​​, cho­les­terol– and sodium-​​drenched slop shov­eled before their gap­ing maws.

Once they’ve eaten to the point of mor­bid obe­sity they can pre­tend to be just like Mom and Dad, climb­ing into their obscene Hummer Land Pigs and drag­ging their over­sized cheeks across the land, all the while indulging in mas­tur­ba­tory fan­tasies of McManliness.

(How many of those self-​​stroking penis com­pen­sa­tion­mo­biles have you ever seen with scratches, mud or dents on them, like they’d actu­ally been dri­ven off-​​road … oh, I don’t know … ever?)

Shame on McDonald’s for per­pe­trat­ing this trav­esty, shame on par­ents for indulging their whiny brats by killing them with McShit, and shame on any­one who’s ever pur­chased a Hummer, regard­less of the size.

At his rate these kids will need an SUV just to get the fuckin' mail.


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