WASHINGTON — Facing an ongo­ing set of fail­ures on domes­tic and for­eign fronts, the Congress of the United States has filed for Chapter 11 pro­tec­tion under the Moral Bankruptcy Codes.

Between the clear selling-​​out we did a few years ago to get votes from the right-​​wing fun­da­men­tal­ist reli­gious loonies and the way we’ve sold con­ser­vatism, America and the val­ues our great nation was founded upon for a mess of pot­tage, we’re basi­cally out of bucks to pass,” said Bill Frist (R — MD) on Friday.

Forget about Iraq, Afghanistan, small­pox or even the US-​​Mexico bor­der,” Frist said. “Basically our shit hasn’t been in one coil for years.”

Apologizing for “eth­i­cal spend­thriftery,” Frist listed past and present con­di­tions as part of the rea­son Congress must seek Moral Bankruptcy pro­tec­tion. “We were really irre­spon­si­ble in 2000 and 2001,” he said. “We had blank checks, and we signed off on every­thing. So we pushed through a war that — really — we knew even then we couldn’t afford.

It got worse,” Frist con­tin­ued. “We became addicted to the lifestyle. We stole from our par­ents, revamp­ing Medicare in 2003, and now those chick­ens are com­ing home to roost too in the form of denial of cov­er­age to uncounted num­bers of senior cit­i­zens.” The refer­rence to the Medicare “dough­nut hole” was met with some hos­til­ity among net­work jour­nal­ists, blank stares from more than a few blog­gers, and deaf­en­ing eye-​​rolling from most every­one else.

Sorry, Mom and Dad,” Frist went on. “I know you needed those med­i­cines to stay alive, and I know you could have had them for much, much less from Canada — but that’s just not how we saw it back then. Our pharma lob­by­ists clouded our eyes, but hey, we let them, after all.

We couldn’t really tell the dif­fer­ence between those meds and the War on Drugs we’re still waging.

We’ve been spend­ing a lot on that too, blow­ing wads of cred­i­bil­ity on silly adver­tise­ments tar­get­ing teens that have no mea­sur­able effect what­so­ever while at the same time act­ing as aoplo­gists for tobacco, alco­hol and — of course — the phar­ma­ceu­ti­cal industry.

Oh, except where it comes to actu­ally get­ting drugs to our seniors,” he added.

And now, with the Pentagon telling us that there’s no way they can con­tinue in Iraq for one more year with­out either mas­sive troop with­drawals or mas­sively more fund­ing than the Secretary of Defense wants to put for­ward, well, I guess our lit­tle house-​​of-​​cards fan­tasy world has finally fallen down.”

For those and other rea­sons — and to pro­tect them­selves from fall­out when mil­lions of Americans finally real­ize how badly they’ve been betrayed by their puta­tive rep­re­sen­ta­tives — Frist has announced the deci­sion to seek Moral Bankruptcy protection.

We’ve fucked things up so badly I don’t think there’s any way we can recover,” Frist said. “And, really, given our track record, would you want us to try to fix anything?”

Share

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.