Liberals seem to piss off the strangest peo­ple, you know. But I guess the odd­est annoy­ances come from osten­si­bly lib­eral sources themselves.

Back in 1984 Steve Jobs annoyed the liv­ing shit out of IBM and the fledgeling Microsoft with a sin­gle com­mer­cial — one that’s returned in var­i­ous incar­na­tions over the last 23 years, the lat­est ver­sion an irri­tant to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, more or less equally it seems. Which, when you think about it, is really ironic, since we have 18 or so months more to look for­ward to from both of them. It’s like raiyaiyaiyain on your wed­ding day, don’t’cha think?

So any­way I bought an iPod years ago, ca. 2002 or so. This was the tech­ni­cal second-​​gen machine, the one which had a touch wheel on it instead of the orig­i­nal click wheel, a 10 GB unit, and it still works. I use it all the time. I also have a Shuffle, one of the 512 MB sticks that got replaced lately by the tie-​​clip ver­sion. I like the older one bet­ter because it dou­bles as a USB thumb drive — not that I’ve ever used it as such; I have a 4 GB thumb drive — but still, the potential’s good. It’s also robust, solid-​​state, and reli­able, and I don’t have to worry about crack­ing a screen like I might with a Nano.

More lately I picked up a 30 GB video iPod, which was a bit of an adven­ture. I went to Wal-​​Mart (sorry) with the inten­tion of get­ting a bet­ter, less frus­trat­ing clock radio. I tried Walgreens first, but it was a washout.

They had Memorex units on sale that dock with iPods made to han­dle the con­nec­tor — the ones released just after my first/​second-​​gen unit, incom­pat­i­ble with any Shuffle model.

Sigh. Upsales work sometimes.

So yes, I got the Memorex sta­tion and plopped down some more cash for the iPod Video (I don’t do low-​​end buys on tech). Brought them both home and opened the iPod’s box, shrink-​​wrapped and still sealed with the lit­tle adhe­sive dot show­ing it was pris­tine, to find inside…

A pack of AA bat­ter­ies and some gum.

No, that is not a joke, though it really is funny as hell.

Now I don’t care how good the bat­ter­ies are (they weren’t; they were Panasonic generic car­bons) or how great the gum is (it wasn’t; it was a clus­ter of mini-​​pak five-​​stick for­get­ta­bles); unless they’re packed with free fel­la­tio for life, they’re not worth the cost of a video iPod.

Some tele­phonic dis­cus­sion, as you may expect, ensued. Long-​​short was that I was to take the pack­age back to WallyWorld posthaste, which I did. They looked me over and decided that, since I have all my teeth save one root-canall’d molar and seem to lack the gen­eral fug of a crack addict, they’d replace my gum and bat­ter­ies with the iPod I wanted.

Purchase in hand I loaded my iTunes library into my new toy, decid­ing to buy a few tracks as well online, where­upon I remem­bered that I love New Order — I mean, I really, really love New Order; it sur­prised me hugely to remem­ber how much I loved them when I started lis­ten­ing to the top-​​20 style tracks I’d got from iTunes. “Blue Monday”, “Run 2″, “Bizarre Love Triangle” and the incom­pa­ra­ble “Your Silent Face”* rekin­dled in me an ancient urge to visit 90s era dance tracks.

Which I assem­bled, mul­ti­far­i­ously, in a disco-​​queen ensem­ble that I decided to pub­lish as an iMix named, with typ­i­cally fine-​​tuned irony, “Who You Callin’ a Fag?”

Well, here’s why. (This is just a par­tial screenshot.)

What's offensive here?

These are damn good songs! I looked for­ward to being able to pub­lish the playlist to any­one who might care, think­ing oth­ers may agree with my choices or hate them — but it would be inter­est­ing to get feed­back on it all, no mat­ter what.

I learned tonight my mix was deleted, no com­ment as to why, no con­tact made to explain the rea­son except for a form let­ter stat­ing the con­tent of the mix might “offend” some customers.

Well, fuck them. Offend this mix, Apple.

I mean shit. These guys pub­lish uncen­sored South Park — and they’re wor­ried about a quasi-​​gay 80s and 90s disco mix?

D’you think it was “I Feel Pretty” that did it?

Oh, and for what it’s worth, the clock radio is okay; it has two alarms, a remote (!), and will blast your ass out of bed with a buzzer, radio or your choice from your docked ’pod, but I have one com­plaint. Even in “dim” mode the dis­play is waaaay moth­er­fuckin’ bright. You can read by this damn thing.


* I think this is one of the top ten most beau­ti­ful pieces of music I’ve ever heard. I’d put it unhesi­tat­ingly in the list with Pachelbel’s Kanon, Goo Goo Dolls’s Iris, Rufus Wainwright’s Hallelujah and Beethoven’s Sonata 14, Moonlight.


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