A host of idiots has come crawl­ing to light after the tragedy of Virgina Tech,* most of them mak­ing the fatu­ous claim that some kind of lack of reli­gios­ity is the cause of death for 32 humans and one psy­cho gun­man. Pam notes that the most recent in this list is Chuck Norris, who is a sort of poor-man’s prophet, if by “prophet” one means “muscle-​​headed cretinous extru­sion of ignorance”.

Quoth Walker, Texas Fuckwit:

I believe those who wield the baton of the sec­u­lar pro­gres­sive agenda bear sig­nif­i­cant respon­si­bil­ity for the esca­la­tion of school shoot­ings. […] If we are ever to restore civil­ity in our land and our schools, we must turn back the clocks to a time when such shock­ing crimes didn’t even exist — when we val­ued life and respected one another much more then we do today.

Now this isn’t as bad as sug­gest­ing marriage-​​equality laws in Oregon are the cause, but it’s pretty damn close, and it’s typ­i­cal of the nat­ter­ing dri­vel issu­ing from the ori­fices of the god­dishly deranged.

The prob­lem is that it’s a load of horse­shit. School mas­sacres are actu­ally on the decline in the US, not the rise, and the truly worst one in US his­tory took place in Michigan in 1927 — back when prayer wasn’t sim­ply accept­able in schools, but a required start to each morning’s work.

The Bath School dis­as­ter is the name given to three bomb­ings in Bath Township, Michigan, USA, on May 18, 1927, which killed 45 peo­ple and injured 58. Most of the vic­tims were chil­dren in sec­ond to sixth grades attend­ing the Bath Consolidated School. Their deaths con­sti­tute the dead­liest act of mass mur­der in a school in U.S. history.

Apparently God’s Holy Umbrella wasn’t suf­fi­cient on that Spring morn­ing. Perhaps if Chuck had been there he could have done something.

Oh, but wait, we have fur­ther evi­dence of both the fail­ure of God and His Holy Agent, Chuck — in the form of the killings of October 2, 2006. You’ll note that this was before the Republicans lost con­trol of con­gress, and def­i­nitely dur­ing the time when Saint Norris has blessed us with His Presence.

Of course in this case the vic­tims were fewer in num­ber (five plus the per­pe­tra­tor), but the set­ting was more sig­nif­i­cant, since that was the day of the Amish mas­sacre. The vic­tims in this case were extremely reli­giously inclined and attend­ing a parochial school — ide­ally sit­u­ated, in the minds of the god­dish, behind a dou­ble pro­tec­tion of His Holy Love. Right?

Now if I were an ana­lyt­i­cally minded Christist fanatic** I might be a bit puz­zled by these two cir­cum­stances. They seem to belie the asser­tion that a “lib’rul” America is the cause of school killings; one occurred in a very reli­gious set­ting, after all, and the other occurred in a time when America was still very aggres­sively christo-​​fascist.

Ah, but you see, that’s not the case, now is it? After all 2006 — like every year since Clinton was elected pres­i­dent — was a ban­ner year for lib­er­al­ism, athe­ism, godless…ism, and even Islamism. So it wouldn’t be too sur­pris­ing, now would it, that the forces of Satan would be able to pen­e­trate into a one-​​room school­house. Besides, they were Amish, and we know that’s not exactly the right fla­vor of Christianity, or else the vic­tims would have been spared. See?

And as for 1927 … heav­ens! Flapper girls, speakeasies, and women given the vote just a few years ear­lier. Naturally it’s no won­der that God was absent that day in Michigan; He’d turned His face away in shame. So of course it makes sense that in order to show His Divine Wrath, God would let sev­eral dozen school­child­ren get blown to pieces by a mur­der­ous lunatic. After all it was God’s Prophet Elisha who had 42 chil­dren mur­dered by bears, if one believes the Biblical account in II Kings.

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walk­ing along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you bald­head!” they said. “Go on up, you bald­head!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-​​two of the youths.

To a Christist, it’s okay for God to be so pissed He mur­ders kids in order to get a point across. That’s the prob­lem with argu­ing with the god­dish. They’re immune to rea­son. Even facts which under­mine their claims can be wrig­gled away from.

Obviously reli­gion — or lack of it — or even asi­nine nos­tal­gia for the “good old days” bears no rela­tion­ship to events in the real world. But then, nei­ther do the claims of the reli­giously deranged, which is why I treat their claims not with solemn respect, but a healthy dose of relent­less mockery.

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* I don’t con­sider the events at VA Tech to be a school shoot­ing in the same way as, say, the Columbine killings. Tragic, yes — but col­lege stu­dents in their 20s and older sim­ply don’t hold — to me any­way — the same emo­tional weight as a room­ful of young teenagers.

** There is no such thing.

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