GREENSBERG, KANSAS — The tor­nado that struck here over the week­end and destroyed nearly all of this once-​​peaceful town, leav­ing more than a dozen dead, has been blamed on over­abun­dance of prayer, het­ero­sex­ual mar­riage and Jesus.

Look at places like San Francisco, Fire Island — or Calcutta or Tokyo,” said local pas­tor William “Jimmy” Throbnagel. “They didn’t get hit by tor­na­does this week­end, and they’re rife with sodomites and pagans.”

Throbnagel was stand­ing on the site of his for­mer church, reduced to flinders by the power of the cyclone that raged through the heart of Greensberg. “I used to preach right here,” he said. “I used to tell my flock that as long as they prayed to Jesus and did not lie with mankind as with woman, the shield­ing hand of the Lord would pro­tect them from evil.”

Turning a tear-​​streaked face to the sky, he cried out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou for­saken me?”

Several other Greensbergians seemed to feel the same way. “We fol­lowed what the Good Book has in it,” said one woman. “And we voted for the President all four times. But it don’t seem to mat­ter. It don’t look like our God is the right God.”

You’d think we’d be right in the eyes of the Lord,” added a sec­ond woman, “after we run them rag­heads out of town that was run­nin’ the hotel and gas station.”

Right,” chimed in a man. “And I per­son­ally beat up three fag­gots, but still God done went and sicced a twister on us.”

Asked if he would rebuild, Throbnagel answered in the affir­ma­tive, rein­forc­ing the can-​​do nature of hardy Midwestern stock. “But it won’t be a Christian church,” he said.

What kind of church did he have in mind?

I was lookin’ at a copy of the Kama Sutra that I con­fis­cated from one of the acolytes,” he said. “I think maybe I’ll give Hinduism a try for a while.”


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