Despite hours of con­certed effort by sev­eral proc­tol­o­gists, President Bush’s colonoscopy proved unsuccessful.

“We were unable to locate the president’s head,” said Dr. Ken K. Coldfinger. “We have no idea where it might be now.”

However, Coldfinger noted that the pro­ce­dure was not a com­plete fail­ure. “At least we were able to remove the vice-president’s arm,” he said.