Archive for October, 2007

Announcing a New Award: The Soylie

After encoun­ter­ing this train wreck at Pam’s pad I real­ized we’re not doing enough to show the use­less cretins of the world pre­cisely what they’re good for. I’m not refer­ring to the scan­dal of yet another GOP law­maker bon­ing men. I’m refer­ring to the twat-​​​​in-​​​​a-​​​​hat he was hump­ing. Just look at this ass­clown. Someone needs to tell […]

Some Things are Better Without the Kids

Our hos­pi­tal is the largest pri­vate employer in the county with a staff of around 1300. That’s a lot of peo­ple — and a lot of fam­i­lies. Each year we have a super­vised gath­er­ing of staff kids so the adults can spend some time doing Christmas gift shop­ping. There are games, treats and so on, and par­ents get the […]

Tonglen

A med­i­ta­tion prac­tice used often in the Buddhist world, ton­glen (“giv­ing and receiv­ing”) is often con­strued as being a means by which the suf­fer­ing of some­one may be relieved. It’s not unusual to hear of ton­glen requests directed toward another, and seems to be used often as an ana­logue to prayer. This doesn’t strike me as […]

A Denial.

It’s an occu­pa­tional haz­ard for an athe­ist to hear that he’s soul­less, unfeel­ing, uncar­ing; we’re reg­u­larly reminded that we’re hate­ful, amoral, would-​​​​be mur­der­ers and rapists and thieves. The logic is that if there is no god, every­thing is per­mit­ted; the world, under athe­is­tic rule, would be at best an emo­tion­less void sub­ject only to Spocklike […]

The SPucker: A Product I Really Wish Someone would Invent

But it’s gen­uinely not pos­si­ble. After you’ve read some of the mock ad copy and checked out the PDF of the “adver­tise­ment” flyer,1 I think you’ll agree that it’s tragic no such device will ever exist. Spam Got you Down? In 2006, 17 exabytes of junk emails and com­mer­cial spam­bot blog com­ments were trans­ferred in the United States […]

I have SO Got to Do This!

An excerpt from a recent Dinosaur Comics: Go and check out the whole thing. Doesn’t this seem like a hell of a fun idea? Once when I was get­ting cable installed at a rental, the tech­ni­cian asked if I had a lad­der he could use. I was sud­denly over­come with an insane urge, one I intend even­tu­ally to fol­low through on when the oppor­tu­nity presents […]

What They Haven’t Done

Bring the hope of real­is­tic clo­sure to our stu­pid­ity in Iraq Impeach Put the reins on Dick Cheney’s war-​​​​hardon Put an end to American tor­ture Insure chil­dren End civil lib­er­ties and pri­vacy vio­la­tions What they have done while our sol­diers die at the plea­sure of the President: Pass a pork-​​​​laden bill at the expense of SCHIP Fuck them. […]

Osama Bin Laden: Suck it, Rowling

A CAVE, AFGHANISTAN — Osama Bin Laden released another tape Monday react­ing to the news from author JK Rowling that Albus Dumbledore, the wizard-​​​​headmaster of Hogwarts in her run­away Harry Potter book series, is gay. “I am not sur­prised,” the trans­lated mes­sage says in part, “to learn that yet another supposedly-​​​​harmless beloved icon of decadent […]

Titles of Books No One Will Ever Read

The Penis Monologues Lose Weight and Get Stronger: The 2,517-day Diet Plan for Better Health that Involves Getting Off Your Fat Lazy Ass, Exercising and Eating Properly, Already Car Repair for Dummies, or, Take it to the Mechanic, you Goddamned Cheapskate The Anarchist’s Form 401(c3) Filing Cookbook Hello, Larry: A Loving and Meticulous Revisit of Every […]

Authoritarians Atizzy

The right-​​​​wing foamers’ full frontal assault on twelve-​​​​year-​​​​old Graeme Frost was clearly insuf­fi­cient to slake their lead­ers’ need for the blood of chil­dren. More recently a tod­dler named Bethany Wilkerson has fallen under attack — more specif­i­cally, her par­ents’ deci­sion to give birth to her. The cap­sule ver­sion of the very good fisk­ing on Orcinus is (1) […]

Parents Behaving Abominably

There’s a rea­son peo­ple like me are needed through­out the US — peo­ple will­ing to adopt an older “special-​​​​needs” child as opposed to a more-​​​​or-​​​​less fresh-​​​​from-​​​​the-​​​​package infant. Special needs is an unfor­tu­nate term to use, though, because of the ram­i­fi­ca­tions asso­ci­ated with the phrase spe­cial edu­ca­tion. The lat­ter gen­er­ally refers to pull­out edu­ca­tional pro­grams intended for developmentally-​​​​disadvantaged […]

Boondocks Season 2: Oh Yes.

It just, just started tonight. I just, just saw it. Huey Vs. Uncle Ruckus, a bro­ken broom­stick against nun­chaku. All in the name of not steal­ing movies. Available, now, on BitTorrent. A bril­liant sea­son 2 opener. Mmm. Feel the inten­sity of that ille­gal down­load. Irony is so good for the blood.