A Drama in Two Acts
Act the First: Two PERSONS and a GODBOY in an elevator.
Person 1: The other day I was stuck in traffic for nearly two hours. Sheesh!
Person 2: Yeah, it’s a real nightmare since the construction began.
GodBoy: When I’m stuck in traffic I like to pray to Jesus!
Person 1: I wonder if the plans they have for light rail will help.
Person 2: Can you imagine the construction issues with that?
GodBoy: I can’t wait for light rail! Then I’ll be able to sit and read the Bible instead of having to drive!
Person 1: Actually I’d like to see more bike paths.
Person 2: No joke! Less traffic congestion, less pollution, and a healthier population. Wins all around.
GodBoy: When I ride my bike I listen to ChristGasm on my iPod!
Person 1: Hey, man, do you have to turn everything we talk about into some kind of God or Jesus issue?
Person 2: Yeah. This one-track-mind thing of yours gets pretty fuckin’ old. It’s like religion has fried your capacity to carry on a rational discussion about anything else.
GodBoy: …I’m going to pray for you.
[Exit.]
Act the Second: Two PERSONS and an ATHEIST in an elevator.
Person 1: The other day I was stuck in traffic for nearly two hours. Sheesh!
Person 2: Yeah, it’s a real nightmare since the construction began.
Atheist: They’re just widening the road so the Jesus freaks can get to church more quickly.
Person 1: I wonder if the plans they have for light rail will help.
Person 2: Can you imagine the construction issues with that?
Atheist: Can you imagine light rail filled with religious lunatics all spouting off about their god?
Person 1: Actually I’d like to see more bike paths.
Person 2: No joke! Less traffic congestion, less pollution, and a healthier population. Wins all around.
Atheist: The thing I hate about bikes is all the damned Mormon missionaries. Sheesh!
Person 1: Hey, man, do you have to turn everything we talk about into some kind of God or Jesus issue?
Person 2: Yeah. This one-track-mind thing of yours gets pretty fuckin’ old. It’s like religion has fried your capacity to carry on a rational discussion about anything else.
Atheist: …At least I don’t believe in god.
[Exeunt. Curtain.]
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The point of this exercise, of course, is not to denigrate either religion or atheism; it’s to highlight obsessive thinking and its dangers. Just as an overzealous religious convert will find ways to tie absolutely everything back to his religion, an overzealous atheist convert will display evangelical zeal in his monomaniacal pursuit.
More succinctly, if you’re an atheist as a way of getting back at God for pissing you off, you’re not really an atheist at all. You’re just a recalcitrant whiny brat. True nonbelievers live quiet, worthwhile lives without ever once feeling that they have to browbeat their irreligion into the zeitgeist … just as true believers do.
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