Because it already didn’t hap­pen.

A West Coast sci­en­tist who believes it may be pos­si­ble to trans­mit infor­ma­tion back­wards through time has been funded by indi­vid­ual dona­tions after estab­lished mad-​​scientist groups refused to cough up.

Um … um … estab­lished mad-​​scientist groups?

Oh right, them.

ANYway, if we could send a mes­sage back in time, we could stop, oh I don’t know, maybe the last fire at Alexandria (“Don’t light the match!”) or the stu­pid­ity that was most of the twen­ti­eth cen­tury (“Avoid Hitler, look out for chick­ens with a cough, and fuck pretty much every­thing you hear from 1946 onward”), or gee, I don’t know, recent years (“It wasn’t iraq, you fuck­ing god­damn use­less wannabe Texan inbred retard, fuck you and your piss­ing con­test with your dad, you both suck, and his­tory will have a really fuck­ing hard time decid­ing who was the shit­ti­est pres­i­dent ever — ha ha, no, lie, it’s you, duh-​​bya, you’re worth­less and we, the denizens of the future, wish you had choked on that pretzel”).

Seriously. If we could send a mes­sage back through time, what could pos­si­bly explain the fuster­cluck that has been, gee, every­thing we’ve ever expe­ri­enced ever, in history?

So it’s obvi­ous that this guy’s time travel thing never worked, just like every­one else’s never will have. It’s cute fan­tasy, espe­cially when it includes David Tennant — a cute fan­tasy indeed — but it just. never. happened.

If it had, we’d have noth­ing to discuss.

Jeez, don’t you love Apriil Fools’ Day jokes?

Well, I do, if I have a chance to post images like this one, and espe­cially link to them twice in the same article.

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