Or mine. I think the meds are finally kicking in. I wrote this in about 2004. The most eerily prescient part was when I said this: “At the edge, the very edge of his mind, a stir, almost like footsteps outside a spotlight. Something offstage, in the dark, but not able to move to where it would be visible.” […]
Archive for the ‘Sickness’ Category
Lamotrigine followup
It was Friday night; now it’s Saturday morning. 0400. It’s still working, but it’s lost some of its efficacy (obviously, or I’d be asleep now). The manic uptick is a bit harder than it was, say, five days ago. I hope this is just a bit of tolerance. I’ll be up to 50 mg next week, and maybe that’ll offer […]
Lamotrigine
Dx. came back more or less how I suspected it would: Bipolar I. I think it’s mostly fugue; the rest of the time I think I’m cyclothymic rather than fully BP. Rapid cycling too, just to make it a little more fun. Cyclothymia is still one of those things that’s being studied and understood further; the translation, practically, is, we […]
Bookend
He did this in the 90s. Just a bit of Bowie to counterbalance the Elfman. ==== Baby Grace is the victim; she was fourteen years of age. And the wheels are turning, turning, for the finger points at me. But I have not been to Oxford Town. No I have not been to Oxford Town. Toll the bell; pay […]
Please tell me I have no…
…I have no, I don’t have to… Calendar comes up clear for the day. Today. Starting 5 hours from now, and me with no sleep, and knowing I won’t get any sack time before then.* Good, so I can coast behind the monitors. Just shift, paste, compose. Wave hi, howyadoin. Fuck, fuck me, I am so tired. Not physically. ==== * Why […]
Reflections of silver
I’ve been a Bowie fan for a while. It began when a friend introduced me to Labyrinth in the late 80s, and it’s never really ended; though lately it’s come to something like fruition. I think Bowie was hard for heroin. Well, duh, it was the 70s, he did drugs; it is generally presumed that he did coke. But […]
All the nightmares came today. And it looks as though they’re here to stay.
“Insanity”, by Oingo Boingo. == I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Who do I pray to to straighten out this problem? Straighten out this problem, straighten out my mind, straighten out this crooked tongue? My mind has wandered from the strait and narrow; my mind has wandered from the flock, you see. My mind has wandered; […]
This is a problem.
I think I’m in pretty serious trouble. Used to be that I knew the depths of the sadness, the depression. But lately, it’s been countered by up phases. I don’t know how to describe that. Best analogy is when you’ve had too much caffeine, I guess. They swing back and forth. In a standard calendar month I feel about right […]
.45
This is not a threat, nor a warning, nor anything else. (I will reiterate it at the end of the post.) That said, and sure to be ignored anyway, here it is. There are two puddles of cat puke in my house, one on the stairway (perfectly arranged to be hit in the middle of the night), the […]
Spew